


60-Word Ficlets for the 60 Canon Holmes Stories

by SCFrankles



Series: 60 For 60 [1]
Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Community: sherlock60, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 18:10:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 60
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SCFrankles/pseuds/SCFrankles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>60-word ficlets inspired by the 60 Sherlock Holmes stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. </p><p>Written for <a href="http://sherlock60.livejournal.com/">Sherlock60</a>'s Sherlock Holmes: 60 for 60 challenge on LJ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Study in Scarlet: Bull Pup

**Author's Note:**

> I have opted to put my ficlets in the order ACD's stories appear in _The Penguin Complete Adventures of Sherlock Holmes_ \- this being the order I'm most familiar with.

Holmes could not move into 221B until the following day.

It was quite pleasant settling in on my own, my bull pup to keep me company. He was most overexcited by his new lodgings.

Unfortunately.

 

“Good morning,” said Holmes. “Where’s the pup?”

He gazed at the freshly scrubbed patches on the floor.

I sighed. “Stamford said he would take him.”


	2. The Sign of Four: Wedding

I regret persuading Holmes to be my best man.

 

Mary and I had just been declared united when Holmes deduced that the vicar regularly pocketed the alms. 

After an unseemly tussle, our minister was placed under arrest.

 

Holmes noticed I was not entirely pleased.

“Don’t worry,” he assured me as I ground my teeth. “Your marriage is still completely valid.”


	3. A Scandal in Bohemia: Mrs Turner

I never met Mrs Hudson’s second husband, Mr Henry Turner, but apparently he was a charming man. So charming, there were six Mrs Turners. 

All still alive.

The bigamous husband went to gaol and the Mesdames Turner formed a sewing circle.

 

My former landlady introduced me to her five namesake friends. 

“I will be reverting to Hudson, Doctor,” she said.


	4. The Red-headed League: Encyclopaedic Knowledge

It occurred just as we left St James’s Hall, after a concert that Holmes had recommended to us.

I slipped heavily and for a moment believed my ankle to be broken.

“Is there no-one who has knowledge of Accidents, Ankles and Abrasions?” cried Mary, distraught.

“Allow me,” said a voice I found vaguely familiar.

Mr Jabez Wilson stepped proudly forward.


	5. A Case of Identity: Hosmer Angel's Brother

Hosmer Angel had been missing for a month when his brother approached Miss Sutherland.

“He is married to another,” he declared. “Pray look for a man more worthy of yourself!”

 

I arrived at Baker Street to find “Cordwainer Angel” removing his disguise.

“She would never have believed the truth,” laughed Holmes. “But the delusion allowed me to aid the lady.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked up "Hosmer" and there seem to be a couple of meanings but one site says it's a surname of German origin for someone who made hose (stockings). So I thought perhaps he'd have a brother called "Cordwainer" - a shoemaker ^^


	6. The Boscombe Valley Mystery: Meredith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"And now let us talk about George Meredith, if you please, and we shall leave all minor matters until to-morrow.”_
> 
> * * *

When I first began sharing lodgings with Holmes, I thought he had no interest in literature. I soon discovered this was not the case.

He was so enthusiastic about George Meredith’s work that he accepted an invitation to a function Meredith was attending.

“A fascinating man,” Holmes told me later. “His friend Conan Doyle was _most_ offhand with me though.”


	7. The Five Orange Pips: Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An explanation for why Mrs Watson suddenly has a mother.
> 
> * * *

The Sign of Four: one last mystery remained. Mrs Arthur Morstan was not dead. She had never existed.

After giving birth, the mother was sent home. She could not forget her first child though and having traced Mary, helped her as best she was able.

Holmes uncovered the truth. A shock, yes, but my wife already loved Mrs Cecil Forrester.


	8. The Man with the Twisted Lip: James

Soon after our marriage, Mary’s friend Mrs Isa Whitney came to tea. A delightful but shy and easily embarrassed young woman.

I overheard as she left: “He’s so like my brother. And not only because they share the name James!”

“It matters not,” I laughed later with my tender-hearted wife. “Henceforth, in front of Mrs Whitney, James I shall be.”


	9. The Blue Carbuncle: Henry Watson

Mr Henry Baker and his habits naturally turned my mind to another Henry - my brother.

I remembered a past Christmas: my brother was six and I four. Father allowed Henry to hold his watch, and we both stared and listened in fascination.

Until - “Come on, John!” - we were away.

There was no need to measure time. We were immortal then.


	10. The Speckled Band: The Case of the Opal Tiara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"But we shall have horrors enough before the night is over; for goodness' sake let us have a quiet pipe and turn our minds for a few hours to something more cheerful."_
> 
> _"Farintosh," said he. "Ah yes, I recall the case; it was concerned with an opal tiara. I think it was before your time, Watson."_
> 
> * * *

While we awaited Miss Stoner’s signal, Holmes recounted Mrs Farintosh’s case.

“The husband accused her maid of stealing the tiara and demanded she be dismissed. I quickly discovered the girl had previously rebuffed him.”

“And the jewels?”

A smile appeared. “You know, Farintosh had appalling manners. He would not remove his hat.”

Holmes chuckled. 

“The opal tiara was secreted beneath.”


	11. The Engineer's Thumb: Hydraulics

“Heavens!” I ejaculated, as I read my morning paper. “Victor Hatherley has been arrested for insulting the Queen!”

Holmes paused over his breakfast.

_“Inspired by the loss of his thumb,”_ I read, _“Hatherley invented a hydraulic hand. While demonstrating it to Her Majesty, it jammed and locked in a… lewd gesture.”_

My friend laughed so hard he inhaled his kedgeree.


	12. The Noble Bachelor: Foreshadowing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Ah, Watson," said Holmes, smiling, "perhaps you would not be very gracious either, if, after all the trouble of wooing and wedding, you found yourself deprived in an instant of wife and of fortune. I think that we may judge Lord St. Simon very mercifully and thank our stars that we are never likely to find ourselves in the same position."_
> 
> * * *

“Forgive Lord St Simon,” said Holmes, as I complained of the nobleman’s conduct. “He has been deprived of a wife.”

“I would rather sympathise with Mrs Hay Moulton!” I retorted. “Those years spent believing herself bereaved!”

Holmes smiled. “Let us talk of something cheerful: _your_ wedding. And let us be grateful you are unlikely ever to be in either situation.”


	13. The Beryl Coronet: Disguises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _He hurried to his chamber and was down again in a few minutes dressed as a common loafer._
> 
> * * *

As well as possessing his brain-attic, Holmes had use of the physical attic at Baker Street. It was here he kept the outfits of his other personas. 

“Would you fetch my mask?” asked Holmes. 

Entering the uppermost chamber, I noted he stored his own clothes amongst the disguises.

I suddenly wondered how well I would ever truly know my friend.


	14. The Copper Beeches: Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _As to Miss Violet Hunter, my friend Holmes, rather to my disappointment, manifested no further interest in her when once she had ceased to be the centre of one of his problems, and she is now the head of a private school at Walsall, where I believe that she has met with considerable success._
> 
> * * *

The three of us had the compartment to ourselves for the journey back to London and I discreetly feigned sleep to allow my companions to converse.

“I think the good doctor is expecting a happy announcement from us,” smiled Holmes.

Miss Hunter unfortunately seemed to share his amusement.

“I fear, Mr Holmes, that I am already married to my work.”


	15. Silver Blaze: The Wessex Cup

“They’re under starter’s orders… And they’re off! 

"Holmes was slow to get going—now the bit’s between his teeth and he’s galloping towards Dartmoor.

"He’s making good ground;

"His stablemate, Watson tries to keep pace;

"Gregory could be a challenger;

"Ross is giving him some trouble. 

"But every obstacle is overcome: first past the post, it’s the favourite, Sherlock Holmes!”


	16. The Yellow Face: A Happy Ending

“How delightful your baby is!” said the lady to Mr Munro. Little Cecily’s golden curls had many admirers.

“But whose is the other child?” the matron continued, intrigued by Lucy’s dark skin.

“She,” said Munro, “is mine too.” 

He waved across the park at his stepdaughter. Lucy turned, and the two of them beamed at each other with identical smiles.


	17. The Stock-broker's Clerk: Paying Attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"And the practice?"_
> 
> _"I do my neighbour's when he goes. He is always ready to work off the debt."_
> 
> 2 minutes later: _"Your neighbour is a doctor," said he, nodding at the brass plate._
> 
> Holmes' mind appears to wander at the beginning of this story...
> 
> * * *

“And your practice?”

“My neighbour will…”

 

_Watson’s business arrangements._

_Boring…_

_Oo, slippers!_

 

_Observation: Scorched but were not wet._

_Imagination: Holding feet outstretched towards the fire to warm them._

_Deduction: Summer cold!_

 

“Holmes, are you listening?”

“Naturally!”

 

_Quick, distract him with your deduction._

 

               --------------

 

“Oh, your neighbour is a doctor?”

“For a great detective, Holmes, you are sometimes such a blind beetle.”


	18. The 'Gloria Scott': Norfolk Broads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Donnithorpe is a little hamlet just to the north of Langmere, in the country of the Broads._
> 
> _From Ibeza to the Norfolk Broads_ -“Life On Mars?” by David Bowie 
> 
> This is the only explanation I can come up with for the timeline in this story.

* * *

 

“Holmes, you cannot have been an undergraduate in 1885! You were 27 when I met you in ’81!”

“The _first_ time in 1891, I _did_ fall into the chasm. I woke up in 1881, not knowing if I were mad, in a coma or back in time…”

“You’ve been drinking with that Inspector Tyler again.”

“Sam is a fine fellow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Life on Mars_ property of Matthew Graham, Tony Jordan, Ashley Pharoah and the BBC.


	19. The Musgrave Ritual: The Watson-Holmes Ritual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Our chambers were always full of chemicals and of criminal relics which had a way of wandering into unlikely positions, and of turning up in the butter-dish or in even less desirable places._
> 
> Watson is a little treasure. And in danger of getting buried under Holmes' belongings.
> 
> * * *

“Holmes, whose is this?!”

“He who was hanged.”

“And who owns _these?"_

“He who is yet to be arrested.”

“Why are they in the butter-dish?”

“I shall remove them presently.”

“Pray, where are your chemicals..?”

“Under your chair.”

“I shall have to take steps.”

“Away to new lodgings..?”

“Do you wish me to go?”

“Never, Watson. You’re invaluable to me.”


	20. The Reigate Squires: A Puzzling Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _”…an odd volume of Pope's 'Homer,' two plated candlesticks, an ivory letter-weight, a small oak barometer, and a ball of twine are all that have vanished."_

Watson dreamt of the burglars’ haul,  
Trying to make sense of it all:

A weight doing work to the letter,  
Though it’s long in the tooth.  
A Pope and a glass of wood.  
Sticks illuminating the truth.

What’s behind this extraordinary thing?  
How long is a piece of string?

(“Watson. The burglars’ haul?  
“The answer: it’s worth nothing at all.”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, a “glass” is a barometer. I'm not sure if this alternative term is still in common usage. Then again, I used to have a younger colleague who didn’t know what a _barometer_ was…


	21. The Crooked Man: Bible Studies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“My biblical knowledge is a trifle rusty, I fear…"_
> 
> * * *

“Dearest,” said Mama. “Miss Brown has handed in her notice.”

“Another one?” Papa frowned at his small son. Governesses never lasted long with Sherlock.

“It’s the Bible stories again,” said Mama. “Sherlock deduced that, as he tempted Eve towards knowledge, the serpent must have been the first teacher.”

“Yes,” beamed the child. “So I told Miss Brown she’s a devil.”


	22. The Resident Patient: Old Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _At half-past seven next morning, in the first glimmer of daylight, I found him standing by my bedside in his dressing-gown._
> 
> * * *

Holmes burst into Watson’s bedroom.

“It wasn’t the manager!”

“Holmes, what the..?”

“Get up, my boy. The game is afoot!”

Abruptly, Holmes exited and Watson sighed. He turned to the figure stirring beside him. 

“I must apologise for Holmes.”

“Well, he’s never staying here again,” said Mary, trying not to laugh. “Next time he can go home to Baker Street.”


	23. The Greek Interpreter: Holmesian-English Phrasebook

[To a client] You should have consulted me earlier.

_You’re an idiot._

 

You did well to call me in when you did, Lestrade. 

_You’re an idiot._

 

That is a most interesting deduction, Watson.

_You’re an idiot but I like you._

 

What a fool I was not to realise that!

_I am brilliant. This was an aberration and does not count._


	24. The Naval Treaty: Briarbrae Revisited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _...it seemed rather a piquant thing to us to chevy him about the playground and hit him over the shins with a wicket._

“I believe you used to play cricket with Percy,” said Miss Harrison as we strolled round the grounds.

I recalled stumps wielded on youthful shins and smiled weakly.

“Perhaps a friendly game with me?” she said.

 

It took two weeks to recover from my injuries. Miss Harrison turned out to be adept at what was later known as the googly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The googly was officially invented by Bernard Bosanquet in the mid-1890s. _On another occasion, when asked if the googly was illegal, Bosanquet is said to have replied, "Oh no, only immoral."_ Thompson, A. A. (1967), via Wikipedia.


	25. The Final Problem: The Memorial Service

I shook Lestrade’s hand and looked for my wife. Mary had seemed tired recently and I was eager to take her home.

She was standing conversing with a pale mourner, who was abruptly called away by Holmes’ brother.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“A Scandinavian name, I believe,” said Mary. “He asked me to tell you how sorry he was.”


	26. The Empty House: Brought To Book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _To my astonishment it was none other than my strange old book collector…his precious volumes…wedged under his right arm._

Watson glossed over some of the details of their reunion.

 

“Goodness, Mr Holmes,” said Lestrade, when all the excitement with Moran was over. “Faking your own death?” 

He grinned. “I should arrest you for misleading the police.”

Holmes absently rubbed at his bruised forehead. 

“That will not be necessary,” he said. “Doctor Watson has already thrown the book at me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Using "throwing the book at someone" would be an anachronism in 1894. But Holmes is using it in its literal sense, of course. So that's all right. (^^")


	27. The Norwood Builder: Tricky

Astonishingly, Holmes agreed to entertain the children with conjuring at the Scotland Yard Christmas party.

Chemical explosions drew delighted squeals. Mindreading was applauded wildly. But pulling a rabbit out of a hat terrified the little ones.

“I cannot understand it,” said Holmes afterwards. 

“Well,” I said, “I am fairly certain the rabbit wasn’t supposed to be bought from a butcher’s.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just showing my working out: _Holmes stood before us with the air of a conjurer who is performing a trick._
> 
> _…a little, wizened man darted out of it, like a rabbit out of its burrow._
> 
> _“A dead dog, or rabbits, or what? Well, well, I dare say that a couple of rabbits would account both for the blood and for the charred ashes.”_


	28. The Dancing Men: Births, Marriages and Deaths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“I stopped at a boarding-house in Russell Square, because Parker, the vicar of our parish, was staying in it.”_  
>  _“It was only after her marriage to this Englishman that I was able to find out where she was.”_
> 
> Maybe Slaney saw an old newspaper from England..?
> 
> * * *

“It’s a shame it will be such a quiet wedding,” said Mrs Whittaker. She had grown fond of her American boarder.

“They did not want any fuss,” the Reverend Parker explained.

“I would like to do something to wish them well…” Mrs Whittaker brightened. “I shall put an announcement in _The Times!"_

The clergyman nodded. “That could do no harm.”


	29. The Solitary Cyclist: Sparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _…Miss Violet Smith did indeed inherit a large fortune, and… is now the wife of Cyril Morton, the senior partner of Morton & Kennedy, the famous Westminster electricians._
> 
> How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
> 
> * * *

“Violet got her inheritance—will you come and work in our new business...?”

“Yes!” said Kennedy.

Morton grinned as he replaced a light bulb.

“You only love her for her money,” Kennedy teased. 

“What other reason could there be for loving her?” smiled Morton. 

The lamp came to life.

“When you talk about her,” said Kennedy, “your face lights up.”


	30. The Priory School: Drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _We have had some dramatic entrances and exits upon our small stage at Baker Street…_
> 
> _…our bearskin hearthrug._
> 
> All words are included in the 60 word count.
> 
> * * *

SITTING ROOM. NIGHT. SEMI-DARKNESS.

_Holmes works at an experiment. Occasional explosions._   
_Watson enters._

Holmes: Could you not sleep?

Watson: ( _pointedly_ ) No.

_Crosses to fireside chair. Trips on bearskin hearthrug._

Watson: Damn!

_Noises without. Ruffians enter._

Leader: Die, Mr Holmes!

Watson: ( _wraps himself in bearskin_ ) Raaaawr! 

_Ruffians yell. Exit, pursued by a bear._

_Big pause._

Holmes: Why the big paws..?

_Curtain_


	31. Black Peter: Chops

“These are excellent,” said Pa, tucking into his pork chops.

”And they were cheap,” said his wife. “Been cut up incorrectly or something.”

“I’ll say they’ve been cut up incorrectly,” Pa laughed. He pushed his fork through the gaping holes in the meat.

Their youngest stared agog. “They look like they’ve been _harpooned.”_

“Harpooned!” smiled his mother. “What an imagination.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"If you could have looked into Allardyce's back shop you would have seen a dead pig swung from a hook in the ceiling, and a gentleman in his shirt-sleeves furiously stabbing at it with this weapon."_


	32. Charles Augustus Milverton: Safe

“Oh, the embarrassment, Holmes! Your relative generously invites us round for supper and you are discovered in his study…” I could not go on.

Holmes was unabashed. “I needed to practise my safe-opening skills.”

“But on the safe of a member of your own family?” I cried. “Thank heavens he found it amusing.”

“Yes,” said Holmes. “I think AJ understands.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I knew that the opening of safes was a particular hobby with him..._
> 
> A _Raffles_ crossover. A.J. Raffles was created by E.W. Hornung. (For those that don't already know: Hornung married Conan Doyle's sister Connie.)


	33. The Six Napoleons: Quite Large in the Bust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I apologise for the title. I was exposed to British ‘70s comedy at an impressionable age.)
> 
> _“We're not jealous of you at Scotland Yard. No, sir, we are very proud of you…”_
> 
> * * *

“…and so,” concluded Lestrade, “in grateful recognition of all his assistance, Scotland Yard would like to present Mr. Holmes with this bust of himself.”

Everyone clapped.

“It is _enormous,”_ whispered Watson in amusement. 

“The scale,” Holmes muttered back, “obviously represents the esteem in which I am held.” 

Watson smiled and patted the bust on its outsized cranium.

“Bighead,” he said.


	34. The Three Students: Breaking and Entering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“…it is nearly nine, and the landlady babbled of green peas at seven-thirty... I expect that you will get notice to quit and that I shall share your downfall…”_
> 
> _“I don't know whether you observed my bedroom window?" “…three separate windows, one… large enough to admit a man." “The man might have effected his entrance there, left traces as he passed through the bedroom…”_
> 
> * * *

“Do stop _pushing,_ Holmes! Oh, I am too old for this.”

“Chasing criminals in the pitch dark? Or breaking into your own bedroom through a window afterwards?”

“Both! Damn that landlady—locking up at ten. Now, if I grab here and heave… _Aaargh!”_

“Watson!”

“I’m in! Just let me put a light on…

 

“Holmes?”

“Yes?”

“This isn’t our boarding house.”


	35. The Golden Pince-Nez: Spectacles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“You see, but you do not observe.”_ —A Scandal in Bohemia
> 
> * * *

“They will make you appear distinguished!” I expostulated.

“I don’t need them!” Holmes looked down at the letter. “Expensive paper, a woman’s handwriting…”

“But what does the lady _say?”_

Holmes held the letter at arm’s length. After a few moments he tossed it aside and I knew I had won.

“Holmes,” I said, “you observe, but you do not _see.”_


	36. The Missing Three-Quarter: Bicycle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“There is, as you may have observed, a bicycle shop next to our inn. Into this I rushed, engaged a bicycle, and was able to get started before the carriage was quite out of sight.”_ Really?
> 
> * * *

“I must hire a bicycle!”

“Of course, sir. Your name and address?”

“It is urgent!”

“I understand but…”

“My name’s Holmes! I’m staying at the…”

“Hymes?”

_“Holmes._ Sherlock Holmes.”

“Not _the_ Sherlock Holmes?!”

“The carriage…”

“I’m a _great_ admirer.”

“My bicycle!”

“Ah, yes. Sign here, Mr. Holmes. Thank… Oh, he’s gone. Splendid fellow. So pleased I was able to help.”


	37. The Abbey Grange: Justice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"Watson, you are a British jury, and I never met a man who was more eminently fitted to represent one."_ I wondered what experience Holmes had of juries...
> 
> * * *

“Is that the verdict of you all?” asked the judge.

“It is,” said the foreman, looking away from Holmes.

“I see,” said the judge. “Mr Sherlock Holmes!”

Holmes stood.

“I fear I must agree,” said the judge. “As you refuse to stop disparaging the intelligence of your fellow members, I have no choice but to dismiss you from this jury!”


	38. The Second Stain: A Visit to Sussex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _…I had given a promise that "The Adventure of the Second Stain" should be published when the times were ripe…_
> 
> But when you compare the details given in NAVA with SECO itself, Watson appears to be talking about two different cases…
> 
> * * *

Holmes stared at my manuscript. 

“The Second Stain? I gave my word we wouldn't make it public yet!”

“No, I said, “this isn’t _the_ Second Stain. It’s the _other_ Second Stain. I wouldn’t write about the first Second Stain, but this is the second Second Stain. So it’s fine.”

“Oh,” said Holmes. “Well, it’ll all come out in the wash.”


	39. The Hound of the Baskervilles: Boxing & Watson's Diary

**Boxing**

A/N: _“I find that a concentrated atmosphere helps a concentration of thought. I have not pushed it to the length of getting into a box to think, but that is the logical outcome of my convictions.”_

 

It was purely accidental, my locking Holmes in Mrs. Hudson’s broom cupboard. However, he wasn’t terribly forgiving when I released him six hours later.

“Did it help?” I asked, attempting to make light of it. “You said that a concentrated atmosphere assists your thinking.”

Holmes advanced slowly with a murderous expression.

“It did give me one or two ideas, yes…”

 

 

**Watson's Diary**

A/N: _You are aware that I am not a very sound sleeper…_  

 

**Monday**

Exhausted. Woken four times last night by Holmes’ experiments.

Will experiment myself—with earplugs.

 

**Tuesday**

Plugs useless. Will try bandages around ears.

 

**Wednesday**

Bandages kept noise out. Unfortunately didn’t keep Holmes out.

Roused at 3 for case.

 

**Thursday**

Six blissful hours of slumber.

Wonder how often I can get away with “accidentally” locking Holmes in Mrs. Hudson’s broom cupboard.


	40. The Valley of Fear: James, Jimmie and Jem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _…Professor James Moriarty, who had one of the great brains of the century._ “The Adventure of the Empty House”
> 
>  _…the recent letters in which Colonel James Moriarty defends the memory of his brother…_ “The Final Problem” 
> 
> _His younger brother is a station master in the west of England._ “The Valley of Fear”
> 
> * * *

She married him for his strength of character, which proved to be merely arrogance. He even chose to name all of their sons after himself.

 

Jem coped with his father’s bullying by playing roughly with his soldiers; Jimmie coped by playing quietly with his trains. 

Only James was unaffected, calmly studying. 

Yes, she had high hopes for her little professor.


	41. Wisteria Lodge: Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I find it recorded in my notebook that it was a bleak and windy day towards the end of March in the year 1892._
> 
> A case in _1892_ when Holmes was “dead”? “1892” may be what Watson _reads_ in his notes but it surely can’t be what he _wrote_. 
> 
> There can be only one explanation…
> 
> * * *

“Unhand him!” Holmes swiftly disarmed the assailant holding the blade to Watson’s throat.

Watson sighed.

“Do let Mr. Skinner finish my shave, Holmes.”

“But,” Holmes panted, “you left a scribbled note saying you’d been abducted!” 

Watson glanced at the proffered paper.

“It says: ‘at barber’s’.”

“Heavens,” said Holmes. “Apparently even _my_ powers of deduction cannot cope with a doctor’s handwriting.”


	42. The Cardboard Box: Train of Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A depleted bank account had caused me to postpone my holiday…_
> 
> * * *

Let me see:

Postponing your holiday left you despondent.

You studied an old picture postcard of Bognor—obviously considering a half-day excursion instead.

You smiled across at me. I informed you I would not be found dead in Bognor.

Your expression suggested you were annoyed…

And now you’ve emptied a jug over my head, which does rather confirm my theory.


	43. The Red Circle: Personal Column & Titles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A story with bonus poem - both 60 words long ^^

**Extracts from the _Daily Gazette_ 's Personal Column**

_'If the lady who fainted in the Brixton bus' – she does not interest me._  
A charming young man does his own detective work. 

 

* * *

`If the lady who fainted in the Brixton bus`  
`applies to A. Prince, she can reclaim her shoe.`  
`(Also pumpkin and pet mice.)`

* * *

`Found your godmother: knows no current address.  
(Mice pining.)`

* * *

`Greengrocer remembers selling pumpkin. Left note.  
(Are your mice girl and boy?)`

* * *

`For sale: baby mice.`

* * *

`Message received! Ballroom, Saturday.  
Will bring shoe.`

* * *

`Ella, will you marry me?`

* * *

 

****************************************************************************

 

**Titles**

I had finished _The Tale of Black Gorgiano_  
 _And Where His Dark Dealings Had Led._  
“Shall I read it to you?” I asked my companion.  
" _No_ ,” the dear fellow said.  
“Hmm,” I considered, “the title’s too awkward  
“I need something shorter instead.  
“But all of my thoughts go around in a circle.”  
Holmes sighed: “We can take that as re(a)d.”


	44. The Bruce-Partington Plans: Railings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mycroft Holmes absolutely and indignantly declined to climb the railings._
> 
> * * *

Mycroft Holmes did _attempt_ the railings, with myself offering support.

I was never certain how to address Holmes’ brother: “Sir, if you put…”

He slipped, I fell and we finished in an embrace on the ground.

I was mortified.

“My dear sir...!”

“Watson,” said the elder Holmes. “I think it may now be permissible for you to call me Mycroft.”


	45. The Dying Detective: Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Holmes," said I, "you are not yourself. A sick man is but a child, and so I will treat you."_
> 
> * * *

I must not pretend to be dying.  
I must not pretend to be dying.  
I must not pretend to be dying.

Or Dr. Watson will give me a hundred lines to write.

I hate Dr. Watson. He is horrible.

Mrs. Hudson forgave me immediately. I like Mrs. Hudson.

Oh, go away. Do stop reading over my shoulder and laughing, Watson.


	46. Lady Frances Carfax: On the Other Foot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“…if my humble counsel can ever be valued at so extravagant a rate as two pence a word, it waits your disposal night and day at the end of the… wire.”_
> 
> Sometimes Holmes needs Watson’s help via telegram too…
> 
> * * *

`TO: WATSON 221B BAKER STREET LONDON`

`PETERS AND FRASER NOT YET APPREHENDED STOP `  
`HOWEVER NORTHERN CLIMATE APPEARS TO HAVE SHRUNK MY FEET STOP`  
`DOCTOR PLEASE ADVISE+`  
`HOLMES`

`TO: HOLMES GRAND HOTEL EDINBURGH`

`YOU SEE BUT YOU DO NOT OBSERVE+  
WATSON`

`TO: WATSON 221B BAKER STREET LONDON `

`PRAY EXPLAIN+  
HOLMES`

`TO: HOLMES GRAND HOTEL EDINBURGH `

`YOU PACKED MY NEW BOOTS+  
WATSON`


	47. The Devil's Foot: Indigestion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“Then, Watson, we will postpone our breakfast…”_
> 
> * * *

**Breakfast, Baker Street**

 

“That looks delic…”

“No time, Watson! Case!”

 

 

**Luncheon, Buttercup Inn**

 

“Can’t we stop here..?”

“No time!”

 

 

**Supper, middle of nowhere**

 

“…and that’s how I knew the jewels were here. Now! I’m _famished_ — Watson? Is that a chicken leg?”

“Mmm… Mrs. Hudson made me… mmm… a packed luncheon.”

“Did she… make anything for me..?”

“No. There wasn’t time.”


	48. His Last Bow: Violins and Violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _know_ it's "bow" as in "take a bow." But every time I see this title, I automatically read it as "His Last (violin) Bow". And I'm no good with goodbyes and sadness and endings so...
> 
> * * *

Holmes’ original bow mysteriously combusted. 

The replacement snapped during an altercation with ruffians.

 

“Do be careful with this one,” said Watson on his way to the door. 

Holmes finished the mazurka and removed his bow with a flourish.

Smashing it in two against the bookcase. 

“ _Oh_ …” Holmes turned to find a lady client, and an anxious-looking Watson. 

“… _fiddlesticks_ ,” said Holmes.


	49. The Illustrious Client: Blossom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"I was sorry for [Miss Violet de Merville], Watson. I thought of her for the moment as I would have thought of a daughter of my own.”_
> 
> * * *

“Here we are, little Violet. Have a nice drink of water—grow up strong for Papa!”

 

I exited silently and entered again—this time announcing my arrival rather more loudly. 

I did regret having taken the earlier train to Sussex. It is one thing catching Holmes talking to his bees; quite another to catch him talking to his _pot plants…_


	50. The Blanched Soldier: Ball and Chain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _The good Watson had at that time deserted me for a wife…_ Despite not appearing in it, for many years Watson insisted this story should not be published…
> 
> * * *

_Newgate Prison 1903_

Dear Holmes,

I have read your draft. Thank you for your discretion regarding my situation. (Curious you associate “wife” with “gaol”.) Though I fear acquaintances will probably recall that dearest Mary died in 1892.

Incidentally, my lawyer believes I will be declared innocent but in future you can do any “necessary” burglaries your `**CENSORED**` self.

Yours,  
Watson


	51. The Mazarin Stone: Punchline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"My old friend here will tell you that I have an impish habit of practical joking."_
> 
> * * *

Yelling.

The sounds of a struggle.

Watson dashed up the stairs—to find Holmes alone and smiling. He indicated the gramophone and its record. 

“You know my habit of practical joking.”

 

Mrs Hudson sighed. _More_ shouting and noise.

Then Watson shot past.

“Doctor!” she cried. “That _was_ the gramophone?”

“Indeed,” laughed Watson. “I’ve just thrown it out of the window.”


	52. The Three Gables: Following Directions to the Letter(s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"A retired sea captain called Ferguson."_
> 
> _"I was wondering whether he could have buried something. Of course, when people bury treasure nowadays they do it in the Post-Office bank."_
> 
> Ferguson did bury some treasure - just not in his garden.
> 
> * * *

Buried treasure? It was ridiculous.

“Nowadays people bury their treasure in the Post-Office bank,” Arthur told his great-uncle.

Ferguson grinned. “It’s been safer in the old graveyard.”

 

At nightfall they followed the directions on the worn map. 

“Oh, dear.” Ferguson stopped abruptly.

“Aren’t we going to retrieve the treasure?” asked Arthur.

“No,” said Ferguson. “They’ve built a Post-Office on it.”


	53. The Sussex Vampire: A Grimms' Fairy Tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“Anything is better than stagnation, but really we seem to have been switched on to a Grimms' fairy tale.”_
> 
> * * *

Once upon a time there was a boy called Jack and a wicked stepmother who fed on babies.

But a detective (aided by a handsome doctor) uncovered the truth and sorted it all out.

And they all lived happily ever after.

(“Writing another of your awful fairy-tales, Watson?”)

Apart from the detective, who was rugby-tackled by the doctor.

 The End


	54. The Three Garridebs: Good Copy & Wild West

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It may have been a comedy, or it may have been a tragedy._
> 
> So, one of each.
> 
> * * *

**Good Copy** : It may help to read this one out loud. (It _may_ help…)

 

An Englishman, an American and a gentleman of French extraction walk into a 60 word story…

“How did you escape?” wondered Holmes aloud, closing in on Watson’s assailant.

“My dear sir,” retorted Evans, “it may surprise you…”

“Nothing _surprises_ me,” said Holmes.

Watson burst in. “Holmes, wait, this isn’t Killer: it’s his virtuous twin brother!”

“Oh,” said Holmes. “‘Good’ Evans.”

 

 

 

 **Wild West** : _“If our Wild West friend tries to live up to his nickname, we must be ready for him.”_

A Wild West AU.

 

Doc Watson and Kid Holmes: notorious throughout the West.

Well, two against one didn’t seem fair. Evans drew without warning, instinctively aiming for the better marksman.

A hit. Watson clutched at his leg.

But just a graze, goddamn it. Evans swivelled towards the Kid, caught the fierce look and froze.

Turns out Doc’s main protection wasn’t his gun after all.


	55. The Problem of Thor Bridge: Potboiler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"There is little to share, but we may discuss it when you have consumed the two hard-boiled eggs with which our new cook has favoured us. Their condition may not be unconnected with the copy of the Family Herald which I observed yesterday upon the hall-table. Even so trivial a matter as cooking an egg demands an attention which is conscious of the passage of time and incompatible with the love romance in that excellent periodical."_
> 
> * * *

_“Be mine,” he demanded._

_“Forever,” whispered the exotic beauty._

Preposterous, of course. But she smiled as she set the periodical aside—already thinking ahead to future instalments while the gentlemen’s eggs solidified.   
   
Holmes had been just a little wrong in his deductions though. Mrs Handley was no mere romance _reader_.

She was the one who had cooked up the story.


	56. The Creeping Man: Well-Trained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"I have serious thoughts of writing a small monograph upon the uses of dogs in the work of the detective."_
> 
> _I received one of Holmes's laconic messages:_   
> _Come at once if convenient — if inconvenient come all the same. S. H._
> 
> Holmes calls and Watson comes running...
> 
> * * *

Watson, come!

Sit! Not on the nice furniture. On your old armchair, that’s a good doctor.

(Sometimes I’d swear he understands everything I say.)

Here’s Bennett now! (Thank heavens Watson’s used to strangers.)

 

Mental breakdown? Financial transactions? No, Watson! Bad deduction!

(Nevertheless, a faithful fellow. Truly a man’s best friend...)

“Holmes, will you please stop patting me on the head.”


	57. The Lion's Mane: An Interview with Cedric the Stunt-Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dogs get such a hard time in the Sherlock Holmes stories...
> 
> * * *

_You were the stunt-dog for “The Lion’s Mane”?_

That’s right. Originally I was booked for three scenes. Rehearsed being thrown through plate-glass _eight times_ before Sir Arthur decided it should happen offstage. And a flashback with me wrestling the jellyfish was apparently “too implausible”. 

_But the third scene remained?_

Indeed. Though Holmes did describe my corpse as a little stiff.


	58. The Veiled Lodger: Exit of the Gladiators

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"I was a poor circus girl brought up on the sawdust..."_
> 
> * * *

She certainly no longer needed the money but Mrs. Hudson was sad to see her lodger leaving for Sussex.

 

They were both here today: Holmes juggling his belongings, Watson tripping over the detritus and falling flat on his face.

Mrs. Hudson winced. 

She had nothing but affection for them—but it had been like living with Barnum and Bailey’s Circus.


	59. Shoscombe Old Place: Cryptic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"From Dr. Watson's description of Sir Robert I can realize that no woman is safe from him."_
> 
> John Mason refers to the ancient corpse as being male but this is probably an assumption rather than a definite identification. Also, Lady Beatrice appears to be the widow of a baronet (and presumably was only the daughter of one, as her brother is a baronet), so I think her title should actually be (Beatrice,) Lady Falder. (Pedantic? Me?)
> 
> * * *

“How are you, Lady Falder?” smiled the gentlewoman’s ghost.

“Very well,” said the former invalid, surprising herself.

The ghost nodded ruefully. “Death does have _some_ advantages.”

Beatrice indicated the coffin. “I hope I am not inconveniencing you.”

“Unfortunately,” said the spirit, “your brother has taken possession of my remains.”

Beatrice sighed. “Dear Bob. No woman’s body is safe from him.”


	60. The Retired Colourman: Paint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"What an awful smell of paint!" cried the inspector._
> 
> _"That was our first clue," said Holmes... "Why should this man at such a time be filling his house with strong odours? Obviously, to cover some other smell which he wished to conceal..."_
> 
> * * *

She caught him with the paint.

 

“I intend to repaint the passage,” Amberley informed his wife. “It is rather shabby.”

Mrs Amberley looked uncertainly at the lurid green.

“Could the shade not perhaps be lightened?” she asked. “I do not think I could live with such a colour.”

“My dear,” said Amberley, “I will make sure that you will not.”


End file.
